The Things I Didn't Say Out Loud…..Until Now!!

Let them lead the pace — Let the survivor tell his/her story at their own pace. Don’t pressure them to talk about it if they are not ready.
Let them know the rape/assault was not their fault — shame and embarrassment are common among survivors. They are not to blame.
Prioritize emotional and physical safety — ask what would help them feel safer right now rather than guessing what they need.

These approaches help survivors feel grounded and supported:

Listen without asking for details — detailed questions can feel intrusive or triggering.
Avoid judgment — When loved ones/friends say things like “Why didn’t you…?” or “You should have…” it can be deeply harmful and hurtful to a survivor.
Respect their choices — respect their decision about whether or not they want to report to police, go see a doctor/go to the hospital, or if/when they want to open up about what happened.

Check in — “Thinking of you today.” “I’m here is you need anything.” and any positive affirmations and be helpful to a survivor. It let’s them know you are there for them without the pressure to respond back.
Offer help — rides, meals, childcare, or help with appointments.
Support access to professional care — a therapist or counselor trained in trauma can be important, and it’s helpful to remind them they deserve that support.
Be patient with triggers — loud noises, certain places, or even smells can bring back memories. Ask what helps when they feel overwhelmed.

Don’t push them to report to police — reporting is a personal decision, and it is up to them what they feel safe doing.
Don’t compare their experience to others — every trauma is unique.
Don’t minimize — “It could have been worse” or “At least you’re okay” invalidates their pain.

Set boundaries you can maintain — you can care deeply without burning out.
Seek your own support — talking to someone you trust can help you help them.
Remember you’re not their therapist — your role is to be a caring/calm presence.

“Every survivor of sexual assault deserves to be heard, believed, and supported.”